So I've been getting this question a LOT lately! It's a bit more futuristic because I'm currently pregnant with my third boy. (Yes, you read that right, THIRD BOY!) They say "How are you going to do it?" "How are you going to survive?" I also just found out that my main person, my number one support, will now be basically living at sea. So for the next three years, I'm going to have to raise 3 boys by myself. Oh sure, when Daddy is home and in port, we'll get to see him here or there, but it's all going to be on my shoulders to hold our family together while he is gone. Raising an opposite gender, alone. We also homeschool. Yes! We're a military homeschooling family. Could it get busier and crazier than that? Yup. Mostly from the more children I plan to add to my house. Yes, you read that right. I highly doubt we're stopping at 3. We've always had a heart to adopt so that's still on our To-Do List. I'm not sure what plans God has for my womb, but I highly doubt this is my last birth child. This baby was unplanned and people ask me "Did you do that on purpose?" or "Well if this one was unplanned, is it your last?" I seriously get people digging way deep into my personal life. This is strangers, people! Strangers ask me these things! It's crazy what people feel comfortable with asking you! Anyways, when I tell people our very loose "plans" they look at me like I've officially lost my mind. Like "How is she that crazy to seem okay with doing it?" Just now I read an article online from a fellow Christian Momma! She has 5 kids. The article spoke so much to me because she started out the same way I did. Two boys first 18 (though mine are 17) months apart. So many of the things she talked about I could personally relate to. You can read that blog post here. After reading her article I knew I had to do my own version!
So here goes, how do I do it? Like the blog post I read, there are so many "its" to this question.
"How do you deal with never sleeping?"
"How do you take care of that many children?"
"How do you ever get time with your husband?"
"How do you do it?" is such a loaded question. But I totally understand everything people are saying behind those big eyes when they ask it. In the blog post I read she described how she had to find the own beat to her drum. And that's a huge key to it all! I've always loved listening to older and younger women who are mothers. Well, honestly, I love gleaning any wisdom I can off anyone who's been through an experience I haven't or maybe I have. Young, old, doesn't usually matter. I just love hearing of other people's experiences and learning from it. I've said for a long time now, that I truly believe God gave me a gift of gleaning wisdom. This has made itself more evident in my parenting. People will say "oh! That's so smart! I never thought of doing that!" Well, ha! Neither did I! God just gave me the gift of listening to other people's wisdom and stealing ideas! Haha! Even with all the tips I've taken in and adapted and used in my own life, there's plenty I've blown to the side and have long since forgotten what they were. Why? Because I learned a long time ago that what works for one person may not work for another. We are individuals for a reason! God made us that way! In a lot of ways I'm similar to my Mom and how she raised us. But in a lot of ways I'm VERY different. For example I don't ever remember going to bed at night and there being dishes in my Mom's sink. My house? Ha! There's almost always dishes. I've long since learned to stop beating myself up over what some other Mother does that seems better than the way I do it. Not that I can't still learn new tricks or ideas! But in general, I just continue to glean what I can and forget everything that doesn't work for me. A good example of this, is my homeschooling life. Yes! We homeschool. My oldest is about to turn 6 so the course load isn't heavy. My next youngest is only 4.5yrs. So I only have a 5 and 4 year old to homeschool and its quite simply, cake! Both my husband and I grew up homeschooled. I did finish my junior year and go to a local community college for 2 years. But homeschooling is basically all my husband and I grew up knowing. I however, adore children. So I've had many years of experience being a teachers helper, working in public school classrooms, nannying, babysitting....basically anything that involved children, I was all for doing! I dedicated my life towards it until I had my own. Then obviously life got a little more "me" focused. Like focusing on raising MY family instead of everyone else's. I grew up thinking I would homeschool my children. More and more I don't like what I'm seeing in public school and I can't afford a private Christian school. So, I just assumed I'd homeschool. Husband and I decided that before we even got married. "How do you feel about homeschooling future children?" "I like it." Done! Problem solved. However, once I actually started doing it, I became a bit overwhelmed at how "Hard" it could be. Yes, teaching Kindergarten. The one grade that's SOOOOO simple! "Cut this paper!" "Color inside these lines!" How can that be hard? Well, when two children who are in two different learning areas who have two different needs, need to be taught by the same ONE person, it can lead to challenges. At first I kept listening to everything my Mom said. I mean, obviously she's no dummy! She homeschooled 4 children herself. I learned very quickly that I am NOT my mother. So I started reaching out to other resources and gleaning information. I've never been the type of mother to push my kids towards being the best at everything. I'm quite laid back when it comes to that stuff. So what my almost 6 year old can't exactly identify every letter in the alphabet? I had a minor stressing session where I'm like "How can he not know the names of these letters?" But then he told me how each letter sounds! And then, my youngest, who seems so much slower at things (who I refer to as my challenge child) starts saying the sounds of each letter and pronouncing them all correctly! I hadn't even worked with my youngest on this. He'd simply heard what I was doing with his brother and now both of them can do that. That was one of "those Moments" for me. The moment when a light bulb comes on and you think 'Oh! I'm not doing so bad! I need to not stress over this!' For me, it goes deeper. For me it's a lesson that God is teaching my heart. How do I homeschool? Some days I don't! Some days I simple don't do a gosh darn thing. Some days I make them get their own breakfast and tell them to watch movies or play in their room all day. Gleaning wisdom from others has convicted my heart. God has had small lessons here or there to show me that I'm not perfect. I have much to learn! Just like as God's child, I still have much to learn. HE is with me every step of the way. Molding my heart and showing me how it should be done! Which brings me to my final point.
How do I do all of this and expect to add more children? Quite simply, God! I don't know HIS plans. Yes of course I have an idea of what I want from life. But having cancer 2.5 years ago has shown me that my plans don't always work out. I wanted to pop out baby after baby until I turned 30. I will be 30 in 2 weeks and I'm still baking my third child, I've had cancer, post partum depression, PTSD, depression...a whole slew of medical issues. I'm still standing. I'm still here. Having kids or not having kids doesn't change the plans God has for me. I look to HIM to get me through when I'm weak and when I'm strong. I truly feel him speaking to my heart on a consistent basis. Not once has God ever said "I'm gonna make life really easy for you!" I joke sometimes saying "I just really wish God could send me an email of the highlights of my life. 'Okay, this is going to happen to you this year.' and things like that." Well as much as I joke like that, I wouldn't change the way HE's set my life up. It's been rough. I've down right been angry at God many more times than I'd like to share. But how do we learn if HE were to tell us everything? We are hard headed people. God enables for things to happen in my life and for me to deal with it. Is everything perfect in my house? Yes, because God is perfect and HE is in our household. HE is who I lean on and who I learn from! Does that mean my dishes are always done, my kids are always spotless or my floors are always vacuumed? Nope! Because that's not the definition of success! Success is when you are living up to your potential of what Gods created you to do! Why do we homeschool? Because God told us to. Why are we a military family? Because we feel this is where God wants us right now. Why do I plan on having more than 3 children? Because I feel that's where God is guiding my family! Can I be happy without all those things? Of course! Will I struggle if things don't go my way? Of course! Who doesn't? But thankfully I live for a very gracious God who loves me and my family and gives us everything we NEED. I can't imagine living any other way. So how do I do it? Because God is perfect. End of story! <3
