Birthdays and Deployments

It's been so long since I've blogged! I really have missed it. I always find myself thinking "Oh! I'd love to blog this!" but it's always among showering, cooking, schooling, raising children....you get the point. Now that the baby is finally a bit older, I've found myself with a bit more time than I had before, which brings me to the point of this blog!
MY BABY IS ONE!!!!!!!! I can't believe it! Seriously, it went so fast. I felt like by the time I finally had a third; a much awaited, long hoped for third, I knew how to appreciate every moment. I didn't sweat the small stuff. I enjoyed every waking minute. Oh yes, sleep deprivation was SO real! So was low milk supply. Pumping. Learning to balance raising three children on my own since Daddy is always gone. This new life we live now involves Daddy being gone far more than any of us would like! He deploys for 2-3 months at a time, home for 1-2 months and so on and so forth. It's awful! In addition to these deployments there's no communication. Sure, we can email him! But his responses are hardly regular! When we do get a response it's usually pretty short and leaves us starving for more. It's hard to say the least. I personally, miss his voice alone! Sure, I've learned to LOVE binging my own shows and hogging the bed, but I would give it all back without hesitation, just to have him back home! Today? Its our precious baby's 1st birthday and Daddy has to miss it all! We didn't celebrate really, because he will be home soon-ish! We have a party planned. But it was super emotional for me. Probably not so much the kids. This first year of my son's life has been challenging. We had to move one month after my c-section. We had to wait for a house to become available. Husband had to report to work before our furniture arrived at our home. The stress, the sleep deprivation. It was beyond awful. I lost so much hair. Meanwhile I was trying to keep everyone happy and positive! I was trying to figure out life again with a new baby. But this time without a husband and two older children who I homeschool. I'd be lying if I said I slid right into the life. I wanted to nurse for a year which proved to be far more challenging that I had predicted! It took me a long time to recover from my c-section. My milk came in fairly quickly, however, I didn't seem to have near as much as I had with the first two and didn't take advantage of! Plus we had moved to a new state during the summer and further south than we were used to. Getting used to the heat and humidity was a huge trial in regards to my milk supply! I found myself always drinking water and some how always being dehydrated. I was determined and stuck with it. I ended up exclusively pumping from month 3 on. I was so very grateful to be giving my baby exactly what he needed and loved. He grew, thrived and has developed into a handsome, intelligent, feisty, opinionated wee nugget. God allowed me to survive pumping and we have made it to a year! Needless to say, it's bittersweet! Today I've found myself flooded with emotions. Thinking back to walking into the hospital to birth him. The mass amounts of anxiety during the prep of my c-section. The emotions of seeing my new son. The pain of after birth complications. The extreme joy in seeing my family all together as a new family of 5. The healing. Every last emotion. Including recalling every emotion over the last year of his precious life. Thinking of it all there was one person there. One person who stood by my side the whole time. One person who, even though we've had our downs, has been the ONLY person I want to run to when I'm sick or upset. My husband. My children's father. And because of deployment, he couldn't be here today. With us, celebrating all of the emotions, joys, tears and fears. Not only that, we couldn't talk to him. He sent me a short email this morning, but when I immediately responded there was no response. (Normal!) Today I'm sensitive. Today, I've stayed off Facebook and watching everyone enjoy their weekends with their spouses. I've stayed busy. I've taken care of my house, children, really I found every excuse to stay busy. But I will definitely be going to bed with a heavy heart tonight. Tomorrow, I will wake up feeling stronger and better. But tonight my heart will yearn and ache. Yearn for the time that's flown by. Yearn for the baby who's growing so quickly right in front of my eyes. Ache for my love. A deep ache that I can't put into words because my soul is not complete. An ache because our family is not complete and is definitely missing a huge part. Despite the tears I've shed over this weekend, I praise God. I praise God because even when jealousy gets the best of me, I know HE has been gracious to me! I have a husband to miss! I have 3 healthy sons who bring me daily joy! Despite the tears, I will rejoice! Because deployments are hard but life gives you gifts, like birthdays! Enjoy your loved ones, friends! Hold them close! Appreciate your spouse who comes home every night! Reach out to a friend who's without their husband more often than you! Chances are, they could use a meal, hug, coffee, wine....really anything!

Rain, Strep Throat and Poop....Oh My!

You know those days where you wake up and expect to get so much done and the day to go smoothly? I don't know why I ever wake up like that, to be honest. Every single day never goes as planned. That's the magic of life. However, I still woke up today expecting a certain thing from this Monday. I was pretty happy because Mr Baby had slept from 8pm-6am! It was GLORIOUS! Once I opened my eyes and sat up in bed, my oldest came in to tell me that my middle child was sleeping. Uhm...it was 9am....why was he still sleeping. One thing you need to know about my children, they sleep great BUT they rise and set with the sun. The latest they've ever slept is 8:30am and that was so long ago I don't even remember. I kinda brushed it off because we'd had a crazy busy, exciting, fun filled weekend. Then he wakes and comes into my room. As I saw him coming down the hallway I knew what I was in for. You could just see on this face that he was burning up. I took his temp. Yup, 101. Full blown fever. Then I realized he hadn't said a word. SO weird for this kid. I asked what was wrong and he said his throat hurt. Oh goodie! So I called and scheduled him an appointment that wouldn't take place til 3pm. Well, that worked out well, since I needed to get up, feed a baby, pump, feed the oldest, divvy up some medicines and prepare. By the time all of that was done and we were getting close to leaving the sky started looking gray and promising. Promising of rain. I love rain! SO much! More than rain? I love thunderstorms! Except, when I have to drag 3 kids out in it. One who's sick and one who's in a heavy carseat carrier. Ugh! We make it into the car just as it starts coming down. I was hoping it'd let up. It of course got 10x's worse. I prayed on the way there, that God give us a front parking space. I know, I know! Such a trivial thing to pray for, but I was really hoping for it. Guess what? He gave it to us! Even though we were right up front, it was still quite a bit of good walking distance to get inside. So, I made sure to tell the kids to prepare. I hopped out and by the time I made it to the trunk to open it up for the stroller, I was SOAKED. I mean SOAKED through my hair to my scalp, kinda soaked. Once the trunk was open I was able to hide under that and set up the stroller. Finally got everyone loaded and huddled under the trunk. Finally I said "GO!" and we took off. Only, as I pulled the trunk down, a bucket of collected rain water fell directly on me. Perfect. Then I started sliding out of my flip flops. I ripped them off, while trying to cover the baby's carseat with a changing mat. Of course before we were even halfway the thing had blown off. The older two thought this was great fun and quite hilarious. The child in me, wanted to join and screams of laughter and giggles. But the Mom in me knew as soon as we walked into that cold air conditioned hospital, we were gonna freeze. We finally make it indoors completely soaked. Like we'd jumped into a pool. While checking into the Dr she hands me a check list sheet to fill out and I basically soaked the piece of paper. We were there for hours. Positive strep test. Which honestly made me happy because we can fix that with antibiotics. The Dr thought it could also be Hand Foot Mouth and if you're a Mom, you run screaming from that! So strep, even though contagious, was fixable. Perfect. Of course the whole time we were waiting at the Doctors it was barely drizzling outside. Once our script was ready and we started for the car, you guessed it. Torrential down pour! I stood inside the doorway to make sure  it wasn't going to let up any time soon. Well, it didn't. There was a lady standing there waiting as well. I asked if she was going to be there for a minute and she JUMPED at the chance to help me. She stood with the kids while I pulled the car up as close as I could. Of course getting soaked. When I get back to the kids the lady is simply GUSHING with amazement. "I've been chatting with your boys and they informed me that you homeschool TOO???? On top of taking care of all of this??? I have two 1 year olds and I could never handle that! How do you do it???" Soaking wet and a little thrown off I responded with a "God, prayer and coffee!" She laughed, but I don't think she realized how dead serious I was. Which cracked me up. She got to asking me what my husband does and when I explained that he was currently gone, her eyes got even bigger. (Believe me! I didn't believe it was possible!) She was simply amazed I was managing all I was managing. The funny thing about that, is when people see what I do, they don't see the silent tears at night, the yelling at my children, the mistakes I make all day every day. They just see the surface. And it reminded me how much we don't see what God does. It's easy to see he's blessed me with a Godly, handsome, strong husband and 3 very healthy happy children. (minus the strep throat of course haha!) But it's not easy to see WHY I had to drag three kids out in pouring down rain because one of my kids is sick. I don't see WHY my husband has to be away from me 85% of our 7 years of marriage. But yet, here I am. Loving life. Loving the trials and tests. Of course after I get home and for the second time get soaked by the rain water that had collected on the trunk while loading the kids up and finally settle in, I realize Baby's got a poopy blow out diaper. Well of course he does. I'm exhausted, soaking wet, cold and I still need to get dinner on the table, divvy out medicine again and pump. As I'm bathing the baby I realize, every second I breathe, it's a blessing. Every Monday I wake up and it's nothing like I plan, it's a blessing. Every time I have to drag three children out in the pouring down rain, it's worth it. Because God's put me on this earth for a reason. He's made my life a certain way for a reason. I will embrace it and thank HIM for it!

The Real Mom Life....

Today has been one of those days that you just think as a parent "How am I going to survive?" Like really! I felt I would share because I know I'm not the only one who's been there!  I know I'm not the only Mom who's thought "No seriously, I can't survive this!" Now that I'm through it I realize I was probably a bit dramatic. But here's my story none the less.



Today was a hard day from the moment I woke up. (*note* I woke up for the second time this morning since little man is eating about every 3-4hrs) I'm tired. So very tired. I'm almost 3 weeks from my c-section for baby boy number 3! Postpartum healing hasn't gone as well as I thought. It's going, and after a few stumbles, it's been nothing but moving forward. For DS3 he's been amazing. Even though I'm up multiple times a night, he eats and goes right back to sleep. I'm just having a hard time adjusting. Yesterday (Wednesday) was the first day though, that I was flying solo.  Parenting 3 boys under the age of 6. I wasn't going to have help again until Friday. That meant nights and days were all on me. I've been feeling more ready than I thought but still not 100%. Thankfully my OB has been amazing and staying on top of my pain management, so I had medical reinforcements if need be! I had many things to accomplish and honestly, Wednesday went as well as it could've gone! I got my stuff done and survived til bedtime. Barely survived all the night feedings, but survived none the less. Coffee was so glorious this morning! I had things on todays agenda and I also got those done, but by 3pm my body started to give out. I knew I'd over done it and pushed too hard. But that certainly doesn't stop life from happening. I still had children who needed to be fed, changed etc. I decided to allow myself a pain pill and some rest. After resting about an hour, I was trying to find motivation and energy to get up and start dinner for the two olders. Just then a sharp pain hit me! Then, the baby spit up a crap ton. All of himself, his blanket and boppy. Great! Perfect. He's been needing a bath for days now but I kept putting it off because I knew there was no way post c-section that I could hold him at the kitchen sink or sit in a bath with him. There was no avoiding it now. I tried to see if I had any reinforcements of able bodies. The only ones I could come up with were my two older sons. I called my DS1 in to see if he was up for the challenge. I asked him if he'd be willing to sit in a bath with DS3 at the risk of being peed or possibly pooped on. He responded with perhaps the sweetest response I've ever heard in my life. "Anything to help you out, Mom." So simply and strongly put! I had just finished pumping breast milk and needed to wash some bottles. I told him it'd take me a minute to get ready and he went off to play. I went into the kitchen and proceeded to work on washing the bottles. My body. It ached. SO very much. I cried. I cried over washing bottles. Over the Spaghetti O's and Beans & Weenies I knew I'd be feeding my children for dinner because it was all I had left to give. I told myself "It's okay! Cry! Let these tears out while the kids aren't around to see you weak. Then you suck it up and you hold your head high." And I did just that. I was weak over a few baby bottles. Then I marched back to the bedrooms and managed to get through the rest. I was bummed that my DS3's bath wasn't with one of his parents, but what better alternative than an older brother? It was an amazing bonding experience for all parties. I gave DS2 the job of Photographer because I was NOT missing this moment. I knew I ran the risk of not getting a single good photo because DS2 is 4 years old, but least I'd have half pictures. haha! Everyone had a job to do and everyone did great! Both olders were extremely helpful all the way through the end. DS2 didn't even complain when I apologized to him that he had to have Beans & Weenies. He hates Beans & Weenies, but he said "It's okay Mom! Thank you for dinner!" God has blessed me. Beyond measure! I have 3 very healthy children. He's given me the strength to train them to be helpful and loving up and to this point. God gives us all Grace. He gives us grace and strength to get through times that are rough. And these are the stories we need to share as fellow Mommies! Stories that let other Mom's know "You're not alone!" Stories that let others know just how weak you may be some times. And I was weak today. As I sit typing this the baby is ready to eat again, I haven't eaten, the olders aren't ready for bed yet and my body it hurts. SO BADLY. But I keep pushing through! I won't give up because these are the days that define you as a Mom. These are the times that God gives you grace for yelling at your kids because you're short tempered. So Mom's, I'm sharing my story as encouragement to you! Raising children is NOT for the faint of heart. Not even one little bit. But if God has blessed you with children, push through! Because it's what HE needs from you!

I had to share a few pictures from today! I'd also like to note that we ventured out on our first errand. So I'll share that picture as well!


Hang in there Mommies! It isn't always like this, and when it is, remind yourself that you are NOT alone and you WILL survive!

April Is Military Child Month....

I decided to blog an open letter to my special Military children! 

My Handsome Brilliant Military Brats, 

     You have been asked to sacrifice so much in your little lives. At this point in time, you don't have the knowledge to grasp the gravity of those sacrifices! You both (soon to be three of you) have been born into this life. It's all you know! Yet, it isn't easy just because it's been all you've known. We're coming up on our second PCS (Permanent Change of Station) as a family. We have remained in one place for quite awhile. Five years to be exact. Two of you will be born in at this current station. We've gone through so many life changes besides the ups and downs of military life. Mommy had cancer and that disrupted two years of our lives! Two very crazy years in which you all bounced from place to place with not much stability in between. Not to mention all the emotions that come with that. You all were very young when the roughest part of our lives happened but again, doesn't mean it was easy. You've been brought into this family without choice. God blessed our marriage with three healthy children. Three children who didn't choose their parents or the life their parents have chosen to live. As parents we did take time to consider the option of bringing children into this hectic military life style. We weighed whether it was smart, whether you all could handle it, whether we as parents could handle it. The answer came when God spoke to our hearts and said we weren't to prevent children from coming into our marriage. I also took Matthew 6:25-34 to heart. "Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself...." We knew that if God blessed us with children then it was meant to be. We believe in our hearts that this is the life God wants us to live currently. We take it day by day.  Rather station by station, transfer by transfer. This upcoming PCS will probably be the first that you will actually remember. The first of many!  We happen to be going to a place where you all are familiar with and excited about. Yet that hasn't stopped the sadness of leaving behind the life you've known for so long. We know this isn't your conviction and life you've chosen to live.  Yet we ask it of you! More, demand it of you! As an adult Daddy chose to sign up to serve his country! And as a wife, Mommy chose to marry and get on board with this life style as well. There's been no choice for you! You deserve much more recognition than you'll ever receive. You will be asked to be without your Daddy more times than most of your peers. You will be asked to move from state to state sometimes, without much notice. With everything you've been asked to sacrifice please know this. We love you! You're more than a blessing to our family. No matter how often Daddy is gone, or how frequently you have to say good-bye to friends, know that you are strong. You are learning so many life skills that most children will never learn. And yes, it won't be easy but believe that there will be benefits. For one, you get to help our country be protected! You get to have a Daddy who helps others. You get to have parents who serve Christ no matter the sacrifices. These sacrifices, you are being made to make, will bless your hearts and minds. Even though you don't know it right now, I promise that it will! I also promise to always support you when you may not have the words to express how difficult and challenging things are. I will love you even when you don't love me or this life we live. Above all, always know that God is there for you! When everything in your life is chaotic and you don't understand or you're angry, God will always be there to listen. HE is ever present in your hearts and minds. HE never moves. He never goes to sea for months at a time. HE is always patient, loving and kind. So my dear sons, as you grow in this life, please know that Mommy and Daddy love you! We respect and admire the fact that you're living a life you didn't choose! Also know that God is there all the time. And HE will never fade!  You are amazing, resilient and blessed. Always remember that! Thank you for the constant sacrifice you make! 

Much Love! 

Your Mother

Scars

I decided to finally blog about something that's been on my heart and mind for awhile now. Scars. I have so many physical scars. There's stretch marks, gall bladder scars, port scar, c-section, heck! I even have scars at the back of my throat from my tonsils. I definitely have a flawed body. Even at my most self conscious though, scars have never bothered me. My port was more sensitive only because, uh, cancer! Nothing I ever predicted going through and a scar for something that last a week and caused me much pain. Like, literally, pain. But it didn't take me long to get over having that scar. I see and hear about products or even just oils or vitamins that you can put on your scars to heal them so you have clear skin. I just find myself not interested. I think maybe my port scar took a bit longer to get over because people can see it. Unless I wear a turtle neck, it's always visible. I can hide all my other ones. So after thinking about it, I started to wonder WHY it doesn't bother me.  So much does about my physical appearance so you'd assume that scars were automatically one of them. I got my first stretch mark around 13 years old. Puberty kinda happens fast and sudden. haha! After thinking about it, I realize I'm actually proud of my scars. Every one represents something. Yeah sure, most of them aren't fun times. My c-section scar and belly stretch marks are easy to love. Because they brought life. I feel so honored and grateful to even have those scars. I know so many women who haven't experienced pregnancy and want to. I know so many women who've struggled to bring life into the world period. God chose me! He chose me to carry 3 lives and bring 3 lives (even if not my planned way) into this world safely! (well, we're still working on the 3rd, but we're close! haha) What an honor! And a blessing! Oh sure! I totally could've rubbed lotion/creams on my belly all pregnancy to prevent the marks, but I just had zero desire. I found my heart desiring to see those physical imperfections. Every single time I look at them, they bring nothing but good memories for me. There are other scars that bring bad memories. For example the suffering with my gall bladder. My goodness. Awful. Awful awful awful! So much pain. So much time away from my newborn first born child. So many trips to the hospital. My first ambulance ride which was very scary to do alone. Just not good feelings associated with my gall bladder. However, once it was out, oh man! Bliss! I felt 100% better immediately! Yet theses scars that are from pain, don't bother me one bit either. Again, I think I struggled a bit with my port scar because my port was literally in there a week and it caused lots of pain for me as well. However, I still don't have an issue with those scars. Why? Because I went through them! I like the reminder that I'm stronger than I ever imagined! To me, even for the "bad scars" its a blessing. God chose me to have these struggles. He chose me to go through cancer. Over the years you start to learn small reasons why God allowed you those struggles. I know I've been able to help so many friends out with cancer or gall bladder issues. I've been able to advise them! It's been a blessing to me, honestly. God allowed theses scars to happen and they make me feel loved by HIM. Then there's silly scars like my belly button ring scar. haha It just makes me laugh. I love piercings. Always have. I've always gotten them for myself. But I was also young, unwise and poor. So I paid some guy to pierce my belly button. It took FOREVER to heal and heal it did. Literally, as it healed it pushed my ring out. The entire thing healed up. hahahaha! That's what happens when you do things and you're broke. The guy who pierced me, pierced it too shallow. So I had a belly button ring for all of 6-8 months. And it left a pretty nasty scar. It just makes me giggle how much youth plays a roll in your life. All of the scraped knees and bruised elbows during childhood, and a belly button ring is how I get a scar! The shortly after that I sliced my thumb open on a tuna can! First one in my family to earn stitches! I was an ADULT! 6 stitches folks! Yup. Things like that just make me giggle! So the long and short of this, is a plea to all of you ladies who are self conscious about your scars! Please don't spend money trying to get rid of what journey God has blessed you with! Be proud! Good, bad, stupid, it doesn't matter. It's all a part of your story! It makes you who you are. And even if you get rid of them or prevent them, it's still your journey! Accept it! Embrace it! Love yourself! All of yourself!

Why Thank Ya, Ma'am!

So today the husband and I had a unique experience today! For about 2 months now I've had plans to attend a used baby stuff sale! I asked my man to take the day off (since he was going to be gone all day) so that he could help me carry anything big and in general, assist me, because I'm 8.5mo pregnant now. Plus we needed bigger things like a crib, swing etc. There was no way I was going to be able to do that myself! He willingly took the day off! At this point, I was completely ready to collect stuff for Baby number 3's arrival. I got a list in hand, dropped the older boys off at the sitters, and pulled plenty of cash out. Things have been pretty rough around here lately. We found out that we'll have to move earlier than expected and also his assignment was a surprise. It's been a lot to handle. A lot of negatives and stress. Plus add in the fact that I'm towards the end of my pregnancy, my hormones have gotten the best of me many times. There's just been lots more crying (I'm NOT a crier typically) and general upset in our house lately. We have a lot to accomplish and not a lot of time to do it. All of this is to say, it's been rough around here. Not very many pleasant times. So I think we were finally ready for some sunshine and time to check quite a few things off our list. We dropped the boys off at the sitters and headed to the sale! We were pretty chatty in the car. Going over the "Must Haves" list and game plan of who would do what and go where. When we got there a line was already forming out the door. So we decided to get in line. The sun was shining, we'd had some coffee to fuel the bodies for the upcoming work! We were just standing there, chatting about any and everything. To be honest, I don't really remember what. I just remember chatting. After about 20 minutes, the lady in front of us turns around and says "Are you guys really good friends? Cause you sound like REALLY good friends!" I was completely stunned and taken back! For a second I considered if she was making fun of us or something. She was not. It was a 100% genuine compliment. We started chuckling and I responded that we're married. She said that she didn't wanna assume, but it just really sounded like we were good friends. We thanked her and I told her that we're going on 7 years of marriage so I took it as a serious awesome compliment. That is BY far the best compliment I've ever received about our marriage. In the beginning of our marriage and short courtship, I never really thought of him as my best friend. I had two very best girl friends. I just couldn't imagine anyone taking their place. Plus, I mean, they're girls. They get me. There was NO doubt that I loved my man and I wanted to spend my life with him. I just had no idea that such a friendship could and would grow. I used to hate the cards and wedding vows that said "I'm marrying my best friend." It just didn't make sense to me. In my eyes, I'd had such a phenomenal experience with my best girl friends that it almost seemed cruel to say that this "new guy" was now my best friend. Over the years life has definitely had it's challenges. We've been through so much. Not even marital challenges. Just life. There's a movie that hubby and I like to watch. Couples Retreat with Vince Vaughn. In the movie Vince Vaughn and his wife are the couple that really get along. But when they're sitting with a therapist he asks them why their marriage works. Their response was "Well, we make it through life together." It's a comedy so there's quite a bit of humor in the therapists response. But it always reminds me of my marriage. We never fight. Even if we disagree, we really sit down and work through it. Sure, we get fed up with each other. Sure, sometimes I really don't like him. Sometimes he really doesn't like me. But we've never had any serious issues, maritally. We both have the same Christian views and opinions which really helps too! Over the past few years (especially after I had cancer) I started viewing life differently. I was learning more and more. I learned to appreciate my man. He'd stood by my side through cancer without waiver. More and more he'd become my emotional support. A lot of the people I expected to be there for my emotional needs, just weren't. He was there long after the cancer was in remission. He say my day to day struggles. My fight. I appreciated that more than words can describe. During my lowest roughest point in life, there was ONE person who continually saw my fight and continued supporting me to do so. And that was my husband. More and more, a deeper love and friendship developed. About a year ago, I found myself thinking "He really is my best friend." When I'm sick, he's who I want. When I'm not happy, he's who I want to make me happy. When I have exciting news, I wanna call him and tell him right away! Not that I hadn't been that way somewhat, before. But it was just a whole new level. So to be completely involved in my life talking and chatting with him, and have a complete stranger notice the friendship and connection, it really touched my heart. As the day as passed, I just keep thinking back to it. By far the best compliment anyone has ever said to us! So I thought I would blog this moment to remember. And share with you all! I love marriage! I love our Christ centered marriage. I love that life hasn't been easy. I love that I've changed my views on friendship and marriage and what it could be. I'm glad that God knows better than me and blessed me with such a blessing as the man I married.

For you single friends of mine. Hang on! Don't settle because you're lonely. Because I PROMISE you! This is so worth the wait. Because even when you think you know what you're getting, you so don't! So hang on friends! :-)

How Do You Do It?

So I've been getting this question a LOT lately! It's a bit more futuristic because I'm currently pregnant with my third boy. (Yes, you read that right, THIRD BOY!) They say "How are you going to do it?" "How are you going to survive?" I also just found out that my main person, my number one support, will now be basically living at sea. So for the next three years, I'm going to have to raise 3 boys by myself. Oh sure, when Daddy is home and in port, we'll get to see him here or there, but it's all going to be on my shoulders to hold our family together while he is gone. Raising an opposite gender, alone. We also homeschool. Yes! We're a military homeschooling family. Could it get busier and crazier than that? Yup. Mostly from the more children I plan to add to my house. Yes, you read that right. I highly doubt we're stopping at 3. We've always had a heart to adopt so that's still on our To-Do List. I'm not sure what plans God has for my womb, but I highly doubt this is my last birth child. This baby was unplanned and people ask me "Did you do that on purpose?" or "Well if this one was unplanned, is it your last?" I seriously get people digging way deep into my personal life. This is strangers, people! Strangers ask me these things! It's crazy what people feel comfortable with asking you! Anyways, when I tell people our very loose "plans" they look at me like I've officially lost my mind. Like "How is she that crazy to seem okay with doing it?"  Just now I read an article online from a fellow Christian Momma! She has 5 kids. The article spoke so much to me because she started out the same way I did. Two boys first 18 (though mine are 17) months apart. So many of the things she talked about I could personally relate to. You can read that blog post here. After reading her article I knew I had to do my own version!


So here goes, how do I do it? Like the blog post I read, there are so many "its" to this question.
"How do you deal with never sleeping?"
"How do you take care of that many children?"
"How do you ever get time with your husband?"
"How do you do it?" is such a loaded question. But I totally understand everything people are saying behind those big eyes when they ask it. In the blog post I read she described how she had to find the own beat to her drum. And that's a huge key to it all! I've always loved listening to older and younger women who are mothers. Well, honestly, I love gleaning any wisdom I can off anyone who's been through an experience I haven't or maybe I have. Young, old, doesn't usually matter. I just love hearing of other people's experiences and learning from it. I've said for a long time now, that I truly believe God gave me a gift of gleaning wisdom. This has made itself more evident in my parenting. People will say "oh! That's so smart! I never thought of doing that!" Well, ha! Neither did I! God just gave me the gift of listening to other people's wisdom and stealing ideas! Haha! Even with all the tips I've taken in and adapted and used in my own life, there's plenty I've blown to the side and have long since forgotten what they were. Why? Because I learned a long time ago that what works for one person may not work for another. We are individuals for a reason! God made us that way! In a lot of ways I'm similar to my Mom and how she raised us. But in a lot of ways I'm VERY different. For example I don't ever remember going to bed at night and there being dishes in my Mom's sink. My house? Ha! There's almost always dishes. I've long since learned to stop beating myself up over what some other Mother does that seems better than the way I do it. Not that I can't still learn new tricks or ideas! But in general, I just continue to glean what I can and forget everything that doesn't work for me. A good example of this, is my homeschooling life. Yes! We homeschool. My oldest is about to turn 6 so the course load isn't heavy. My next youngest is only 4.5yrs. So I only have a 5 and 4 year old to homeschool and its quite simply, cake! Both my husband and I grew up homeschooled. I did finish my junior year and go to a local community college for 2 years. But homeschooling is basically all my husband and I grew up knowing. I however, adore children. So I've had many years of experience being a teachers helper, working in public school classrooms, nannying, babysitting....basically anything that involved children, I was all for doing! I dedicated my life towards it until I had my own. Then obviously life got a little more "me" focused. Like focusing on raising MY family instead of everyone else's. I grew up thinking I would homeschool my children. More and more I don't like what I'm seeing in public school and I can't afford a private Christian school. So, I just assumed I'd homeschool. Husband and I decided that before we even got married. "How do you feel about homeschooling future children?" "I like it." Done! Problem solved. However, once I actually started doing it, I became a bit overwhelmed at how "Hard" it could be. Yes, teaching Kindergarten. The one grade that's SOOOOO simple! "Cut this paper!" "Color inside these lines!" How can that be hard? Well, when two children who are in two different learning areas who have two different needs, need to be taught by the same ONE person, it can lead to challenges. At first I kept listening to everything my Mom said. I mean, obviously she's no dummy! She homeschooled 4 children herself. I learned very quickly that I am NOT my mother. So I started reaching out to other resources and gleaning information. I've never been the type of mother to push my kids towards being the best at everything. I'm quite laid back when it comes to that stuff. So what my almost 6 year old can't exactly identify every letter in the alphabet? I had a minor stressing session where I'm like "How can he not know the names of these letters?" But then he told me how each letter sounds! And then, my youngest, who seems so much slower at things (who I refer to as my challenge child) starts saying the sounds of each letter and pronouncing them all correctly! I hadn't even worked with my youngest on this. He'd simply heard what I was doing with his brother and now both of them can do that. That was one of "those Moments" for me. The moment when a light bulb comes on and you think 'Oh! I'm not doing so bad! I need to not stress over this!' For me, it goes deeper. For me it's a lesson that God is teaching my heart. How do I homeschool? Some days I don't! Some days I simple don't do a gosh darn thing. Some days I make them get their own breakfast and tell them to watch movies or play in their room all day. Gleaning wisdom from others has convicted my heart. God has had small lessons here or there to show me that I'm not perfect. I have much to learn! Just like as God's child, I still have much to learn. HE is with me every step of the way. Molding my heart and showing me how it should be done! Which brings me to my final point.


How do I do all of this and expect to add more children? Quite simply, God! I don't know HIS plans. Yes of course I have an idea of what I want from life. But having cancer 2.5 years ago has shown me that my plans don't always work out. I wanted to pop out baby after baby until I turned 30. I will be 30 in 2 weeks and I'm still baking my third child, I've had cancer, post partum depression, PTSD, depression...a whole slew of medical issues. I'm still standing. I'm still here. Having kids or not having kids doesn't change the plans God has for me. I look to HIM to get me through when I'm weak and when I'm strong. I truly feel him speaking to my heart on a consistent basis. Not once has God ever said "I'm gonna make life really easy for you!" I joke sometimes saying "I just really wish God could send me an email of the highlights of my life. 'Okay, this is going to happen to you this year.' and things like that." Well as much as I joke like that, I wouldn't change the way HE's set my life up. It's been rough. I've down right been angry at God many more times than I'd like to share. But how do we learn if HE were to tell us everything? We are hard headed people. God enables for things to happen in my life and for me to deal with it. Is everything perfect in my house? Yes, because God is perfect and HE is in our household. HE is who I lean on and who I learn from! Does that mean my dishes are always done, my kids are always spotless or my floors are always vacuumed? Nope! Because that's not the definition of success! Success is when you are living up to your potential of what Gods created you to do! Why do we homeschool? Because God told us to. Why are we a military family? Because we feel this is where God wants us right now. Why do I plan on having more than 3 children? Because I feel that's where God is guiding my family! Can I be happy without all those things? Of course! Will I struggle if things don't go my way? Of course! Who doesn't? But thankfully I live for a very gracious God who loves me and my family and gives us everything we NEED. I can't imagine living any other way. So how do I do it? Because God is perfect. End of story! <3