Boy Mom

Yes! I am a boy Mom! Full 100%  boy mom. The statement was recently made to me "Wow! No kidding! You didn't even flinch, you're a boy mom for sure!" It made me giggle. Me? A boy Mom? Who would've thought! Back when I was all of 5 years old, dreaming of being a wife and mother, I imagined myself with boys and girls. Mostly playing Barbies, riding bikes, swimming and playing house. That's what I imaged my entire life would be like as an adult. I would like you all to know that it's been very little of that. haha In fact, I haven't been able to 'play house' or Barbies not once. When I found out our first child was a boy, I was elated! Boy oh boy oh boy! I was ready! I was ready to be a Mom! I was ready, so I thought, for what that meant. God gave us a very healthy (9lbs 5oz at 40 weeks) boy! He was one of the best babies I'd ever seen or taken care of. Happy. Slept extremely well. Only cried if he was hungry. He didn't even cry over a dirty diaper! Like seriously! I got this parenting down! No biggie! Less than a year later I got pregnant with number 2. So far the worst we'd gone through as new parents was....well...nothing. Seriously! Our lives didn't change AT ALL. We still hung out with friends. Went to dinner late. The kid just slept through everything. Fantastic. I was so ready for that girl! After all, being a Mom isn't complete unless you have both genders, right? <sarcasm> Imagine my surprise when at my 20 week sonogram they said "There it is! It's a boy!" Ugh! You're kidding, right? No, seriously! That's what I said. I was livid. Seriously, another boy? I didn't want that. Lemme march home and find my receipt! Return! ASAP! Two boys, less than 2 years apart. Oie! What was I thinking? I literally held my tears in, got home, ran straight from the front door back to my bed where I collapsed in a crying blubbering mess. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I am however, ashamed of the thing I yelled at my sweet husband because he said "it'll be okay!" We won't go there. haha But I was plain crushed. I wanted a girl! It was my plan! I mean, I would've preferred the girl first, but I could hang with that when God was like "Oh no! You'll be having a boy!" "Oh, okay, cool God! That's fine. So long as you give me the girl next! Deal? Okay! Deal!" Clearly that was a one sided conversation. Two boys. Not one...but TWO. I managed to console myself with the thought that at least the first boy was a piece of cake! Then comes baby number two! All 9lbs 3oz of him at 2 weeks early. God threw us for yet another loop when he ended up in the NICU for a week. I had to leave the hospital without my baby. I'm pretty sure that was the point that I fully accepted him as a boy and longed for his presence. On we move. One confusing, hard year of a baby who CONSTANTLY cried (seriously, no exaggeration there), post partum depression, being in an entirely new state away from family/friends, food allergies, change of diets and then it finally felt like we came up for air! A year and a half later I was finally feeling like I could tackle life. Just in time enough for baby number 2 (will refer to him as S2 from now on) to start walking and moving around. Oh goodie! I had a less than 3 year old (will refer to him as S1) and a crawling busy 1.5year old. This is when things really took off! If I thought the first year was a challenge. Boy was I VERY wrong. Very....very wrong. Instead of crying and just barely trying to survive the passing days, I now had to teach each one of them how to play with the other. More so for S1. "What do you mean I can't hammer S2 while he lays on the floor?" I quickly began to learn that I did not understand these creatures at ALL. Why, why in heavens name does S2 continually lie on the ground so that S1 CAN hammer him? Why does S2 allow himself to be beaten and tortured that way? Why does S1 think it's okay to do that? Maybe he's going to become a serial killer. Is there something wrong with him mentally? Maybe I should make a psychologist appointment for him. Soon, this all became my normal life. I've told people time and time again, that my normal life consists of the following questions.

1) Is there an ER close by?

2) Do I actually feel up to the challenge of navigating an ER trip by myself with two children?

It might sound funny to you. But I am dead serious when I answer those 2 questions. Some days, it's "Sure! Why not?!?!" others it's like "No, I can't afford that today. We have no food in the house and I really need to grocery shop." it's seriously that simple for me. I've also learned in the 5 years of parenting (almost 4 years of pure boy overload) I won't understand why they do what they do. I also have learned that blood, scrapes and bruises are totally normal. Oh sure your kid looks like he got beat up by the local gang. I mean, essentially he did. Local gang = Older Brother. And the thing is, I make S1 sound like a monster. But in fact he's just a boy! And S2 is a pure glutton for abuse. He laughs. No, like really, hysterically laughs as his brother sits on him and punches his legs. That's play time for them. In fact, I've started to realize that playing and actual fighting are pretty much the same thing. One could be crying because the other hit them...then seriously, 2 seconds later they're back to the SAME thing that got them there in the first place. Like, come on? Are you kidding me?

All of this is to basically say that I love my job! I absolutely enjoy being a rough and tumble boy Mom. I get some kind of satisfaction when all other moms are gasping and running to rescue their kid from climbing up the ladder to the slide and I'm all sitting back with a pina colada in hand like "They'll be fine!" I mean...not really. But some days you do need a nice Pina Colada to make it through the day. And that's A-Okay! Because in the end, you love your boys. You try your very hardest to teach them manners so that they can grow into decent adults. Other than that? There's not much else you can do. They perceive fun as jumping off the highest object they can find. And you perceive fun as drinking a Pina Colada......or two! ;-)