My husband has never understood my desire for keeping pregnancy a secret. For the first baby especially, I was very sensitive to the fact that it might not last. So close family and friends knew but that's it. Then at 13 weeks we made our announcement. After finding out we were pregnant the second time, that was a doozy. We really didn't have much time to tell anyone before I miscarried. We ended up sharing the news earlier because of the miscarriage and then the exciting news that I was indeed still pregnant. Crazy! (Just in case anyone doesn't know, our second was a twin, so the miscarriage was of the twin...but at the time we didn't know that) After cancer/chemo I always thought "If God ever does bless us with another one, I won't be telling ANYONE! It's too unsafe. Is the baby even gonna be healthy?" I mean...the list of worries/concerns was vast. But we've had 2 years to worry about that. Life after cancer was NOT easy. In fact last year was pure hell for me. People do NOT tell you that the real journey is life after cancer. (except for those who either die or live with it chronically.) It is NOT easy getting your body back to a healthy place after cancer. I won't go into details, but I needed lots of positive support. I found that in not only my local friends, but also through social media. I had prayer warriors who barely even knew me, praying for me. I was fairly open and honest about a lot of my struggles. And yet very rarely did I have a friend turn away because I "whined" too much. (though it did happen) Social Media became a way for me to receive encouragement and support through prayer and scripture. I was constantly surprised and overwhelmed with how much people actually cared for me AND my little family. All along I have not been silent about my struggles in wanting another child. Cancer for sure, was not in the plans. And neither was them telling me that chemo would probably take away my chances of another child. God has done SO much work on my heart through it all. It opened my eyes to those who can't even have ONE child. Me being open about my struggles has opened door after door for people to not only be a testimony to me, but for me to be a testimony to them. I've learned so much. I've struggled and cried. And sometimes down right threw fits. So now that it's here I found myself wanting to tell the world. Well, not right away. At first I straight up didn't' believe it. It did feel like an alternate universe. haha (read my previous blog post) But after it sunk in, and blood tests confirmed it twice, I became more and more excited and more eager to share it with everyone. We've all heard the rules "Oh! Don't share right away! What if you miscarry?" or comments like "Aren't you worried that somethings wrong and you'll have to explain it to everyone?" Those were also the concerns voiced once we told our boys. Besides the excitement, God's put a stirring in my heart. Then a friend sent me a YouTube video of a woman (who had infertility struggles) talking about "Why do we hide pregnancy like a secret?" And that really stuck with me. Why should it be a secret? If we're excited, what should hold us back from sharing with the world? The woman in the video talked about how pregnancy should be celebrated. It's God's creation! It should be celebrated no matter if it lasts one day or 7 months or through birth! Children and life should be celebrated. And I totally agree. I talked to Soon To Be Daddy of 3 (;-) lol ) about how I was feeling towards sharing the news. He had no problems with sharing early. No matter what happens in this pregnancy, we are embracing the mere fact that it happened in the first place!!!!! We are celebrating each and every day and symptom. Do I find myself having bad dreams about not hearing a heart beat or blood being every where? YES! I'm pretty confident any pregnant woman has. haha But my trust is in God. And I feel so humble that HE saw fit to bless us with another child even though I pretty much stamped my feet the whole time and demanded to know why God's timing wasn't my own. I can't control a miscarriage. I oddly feel comforted by the thought of miscarriages because it's something completely out of my control. For example the one I had with Collin's twin. Even before I knew there was still a baby in there, I felt peace. Because God saw fit that it wasn't the right time. I want everyone to understand that this is NOT me saying that I don't have sad times thinking about it. It's not to say that you (if you're struggling with this) should not be sad over things like that. But, I choose to celebrate the time I do have. I thought I might never experience pregnancy again. I knew all along that if God wanted it to happen, it would happen. But I definitely 100% struggled with HIS timing. I also want to clarify that we're not saying everyone needs to tell when they're pregnant right away! I realize that everyone is different and everyone makes their decisions for their own reasons. But as for us, I felt how fair would it be for my social media support to be there through all the bad but not through all the good? So friends! You now know! Before we have an official due date! Before I even know how far along I am! You know! Because we want your joy, love and support no matter how long this lasts! So welcome to our family ride, dear Friends! :-)
Matthew 6:34 Take therefore no thought of the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.
Job 1:21 And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
Oh my gosh, tears! God is awesome.
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