Stunned......

I'm writing this post 2 days after we found out, we're pregnant!!!!!! I'm writing this now because I don't want to forget, but it'll probably be awhile before it's actually published. I am still in shock. It almost feels like I'm in an alternate universe. So, we found out Wednesday, August 26th, 2015. It was a very interesting day. We hadn't been specifically trying but we had prayed about it a couple months ago and decided to fully give it to God. HE would let us know when it was time. A couple months had passed and still nothing. Which was, for the most part, okay with me. I was content, most the time, where God had me. Two very healthy and active boys. A loving husband. A job that I so very much love. The desire to have another baby has been heavy on my heart for going on 3 years now. My youngest son will be 4 in about 2 weeks and it's always been a sad time for me. That pregnancy started off with a miscarriage. Then come to find out 2 weeks after that, that I was still pregnant. Turns out it was twins. Only one survived. That was fine with me though! I knew it was all in God's hands and in a weird way I had peace about it. I didn't do anything to cause my miscarriage. God just knew I couldn't handle twins. I do miss his twin, and most times I feel like he's half a person. It's strange. But anyways, back to the story. I've always struggled with his birthdays. Why? Because I never got to enjoy his infancy or toddler stage. His first year was all crying non stop and postpartum depression. Then just as I came out of that and started to enjoy life, I got knocked down with cancer. It's been a crazy past 4 years. Lots of ups and downs. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world. EVER. But life definitely hasn't been easy! So Wednesday, I realized I was a day or two late. I didn't really freak out because, well, ever since chemo, you never really knew what my body was up to. Though it'd been pretty consistent over the past year. But I just really didn't think much of it. Well, on a downright whim I decided to take a pregnancy test mid-morning Wednesday. Hubby was home and folding his clothes on the couch. I ran back to the bathroom and took it. I really downright expected to see nothing. Imagine my surprise when I got off the toilet and went to toss it in the trash can, I noticed a second line. Wait....WHAT?!?!?! I couldn't believe it. I stood there for what felt like eternity. Just frozen in shock. I had planned that the next time I got pregnant I was going to announce it to hubby some cute Pinteresty way. Yeah. No. That did not happen. I remember my half walk/run from the bathroom to the living room. He was looking down and I stuck it in his face. His response? "What's this?" haha I said "LOOK!" He asked again...."What's this?" And we both just stared at it stunned. I then began to cry and start shaking. Was this real? Would it last? Is the baby healthy? So many thoughts running through my head. I was nervous. I never doubted for one minute that God can't do miracles and that IF He wanted me to have another one, I would. But I did get angry and VERY impatient at the lack of timelyness in my opinion. haha We both wanted to be excited, but it just seemed to unreal. I happened to have another digital test. I told him I'd take that one next time I had to go. 20 minutes later, I took it. Popped up with pregnant right away! What?! Really?! I felt a small bit of excitement creep in uncontrolled. This. This is the moment. I have a miracle inside of me. For how long, I don't know. But I'm going to love and cherish every single minute. As soon as we allowed ourselves to get a little excited it started to sink in. Holy cow! Number 3 is real! It's coming! Better or worse, here we go! I still have no idea how far along I am, right now. I'm confused and in still a lot of disbelief. I did get a blood test that confirmed I am indeed pregnant. But I'm hoping to get into the Dr's this coming up week. After realizing I was pregnant, so many things started connecting. Like, "Ohhhh....that's why I lost my water bottle! Because I'm already getting pregnancy brain!" (fyi: I NEVER loose anything...EVER....unless I'm pregnant) "Ohhhh...that's why i'm so tired and no amount of coffee has seemed to make the slightest difference." hahaha Do I have complaints physically. Heck yeah I do! These sore boobs are NOT fun! And not sleeping at night, it's already an issue. LOL But I don't even care. Because God said YES! He finally said YES! I know it's all in HIS perfect timing. HE taught me patience and through waiting I've also become closer to people I never thought I would. I've learned more about people who struggle with infertility. It's opened my heart and eyes. Will this pregnancy end in a healthy baby. My goodness I really hope so. But if not, I still trust God has a plan. It may be rough. But holy cow, guys!!!! I'm pregnant!!!!! I'm going to finally be a mom of 3!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean.....It's so surreal! And boy, lemme tell you, you easily forget how much you can love someone you've never met. I know people are probably rooting for me to have a girl, but honestly, I don't care.  I asked God to let me feel pregnancy at least one more time and HE SAID YES!!!!! How amazing? He chose to bless me and my womb and my family even though at times I was like a 2 year old throwing a tantrum because things didn't go my way. I'm so unworthy of HIS love. But yet...here we are! A gift! A precious gift of life. Thank you God!