Gender Dilemma

So it's almost time for us to find out what gender Baby #3 is! It's an exciting time! My husband and I never wanted to be one of the couples to wait and find out. After all, both of our parents were that type of couple and we're over it! haha Both being older children (I'm the 1st or 4 in mine and he's the 2nd of 4 in his) we hated waiting to find out what our sibling were going to be!!!! "Can't you just tell us?! We need time to prepare! Am I gonna have to share a room with another person?" Yeah, we're over waiting! We wanna know NOW! haha This is not knocking those of you who like the surprise. Good for you! I don't understand it for the life of me, but you do you! hehe!

We will be finding out extra early with this baby due to a blood genetic test. The reason for getting the test was not to find out gender early. Though that's a serious bonus! Mostly we want to be prepared as far in advance if anything is wrong with the baby genetically. After what my body's been through with cancer and life after, we're just a little be unsure of the baby's health! Thus far everything seems to be good. But it's still very early. So the blood test will help relieve some of those concerns. So hooray for hopeful peace of mind and hooray for finding out gender WAY earlier than normal! "Find out before your 1st Trimester is up?! Whaaaaa?!"

Many people have asked me if I'm hoping for a girl. The simple answer is, no! Many people have asked me if I'll be upset if it's another boy ("After all, you have TWO boys already, you're probably tired of it!" Uhm...what?) The simple answer is, no! However, nothing is simple is it? So along with my simple answers, come complicated answers. For example, will I be upset if it's another boy? Absolutely not! Might I be temporarily disappointed for a minute upon finding out, possibly! Maybe even likely. Why? Because nothing is simple. Am I hoping for a girl? Kinda. Not praying for one. Honestly, I've just been praying for a healthy baby. And before the baby was even here, I was praying to even have a baby no matter the gender. That is all truth! I never once have prayed for a specific gender. Only for a happy healthy baby and a good pregnancy. That is my ultimate wish list!

I've been tossing around the idea of a gender reveal party. One thing kept bothering me though. What is my initial reaction going to be? And the more I thought about it, the more I realized, I would be slightly disappointed if it's not a girl. I believe this simple fact has confused some people. "Well why are you first saying you don't care, but in reality you do care?" Because it's complicated. That's why. Years ago when I was pregnant with Son C, I was very angry and emotionally distraught he wasn't a girl. I was determined to have a girl! I spent the rest of the pregnancy (about 20 weeks) and up until his first birthday being bitter of the fact that I now had TWO boys. I refuse to do that again!!!!! REFUSE! So as what started out as self preservation ("I will plan on the next one being a boy...so I don't get my hopes up.") soon turned into being so very content with what God gave me. Two healthy blessings! Boys, yes! I'm not even going to sugar coat it for you and tell you it's been easy. They're completely different creatures (refer to my previous Boy Mom Blog Post) and I'm not even pretending to understand them. Sometimes I'm VERY lonely in this house. No, I don't want to wrestle for the umpteenth time to day! I'm good! Won't anybody just paint nails with me?!?! Being a boy Mom has completely changed my life! It's different. Challenging and rewarding. Just because I feel lonely sometimes doesn't mean I wish I wasn't a boy Mom. Occasionally I've thought "Ya know, it'd be nice if I had a girl, who's hair I could play with. Or who might like to do girly things with me." People! This is fantasizing!!!!! Just because I occasionally think it'd be nice, doesn't mean I'm not grateful, happy or satisfied with my life! Plus, uh...since when is every girl girly just because they're a girl?!?! Come one! It's called day dreaming! For all the times I think it might be nice to have some day dream company, there are just as many times I'm glad I don't have it! After all, I don't really feel like dealing with PMSing teenagers! No thanks! I'm SO good without that! I hands down would rather have all boys than all girls! That's for sure a fact. But all that put together does not mean I don't want both or day dream about it.

As the gender reveal comes closer and closer my husband and I have decided that I will find out first. I will be able to read the results without judgement. Without possible criticisms of "Why aren't you jumping up and down for another boy?" "Would you have jumped up and down if it was a boy?" The fact of the matter is that this could be our last baby. Would I like to have both genders, to see what a girl of mine and my husband, would look like? Yes. Yes I would. Am I going to be distraught and bitter because it's not a girl? Absolutely 100% NOT! Maybe I'll find out it's a boy and simply just say "Oh, okay!" Because the fact of the matter is that I'm used to boys. Nothing new. Everyone's response will be "Well at least you have everything you need!" (Which, if you're reading this...I do NOT have everything I need. I got rid of all my baby clothes and a lot of my baby stuff!) Please don't let that be your response if it is a boy. Because part of the reason I want a girl is because it's new to us! Everyone will be excited and buy lots of things. The responses I got for our second son were painstakingly obnoxious. "Least you have everything you need!" Uhm, fyi people, the appropriate response when someone reveals gender is "CONGRATS!" That's it! Or "We're so excited for you!" Making a comment about material things isn't all that nice to receive. I know those who said things like that were very well meaning. But I've learned over time, to never say anything like that! It's not what people want to hear when they reveal gender. They want people to be excited and not undermine it in some way. Just like I will not appreciate comments like "I bet your glad you finally got a girl." Uhm, no! That demeans my life now and I have NO regrets about what God has given me.

So I know this post is a little all over the place and will probably offend a few people. I really didn't intend to offend anyone. This post is more about explaining my reactions to the gender we have. I WILL be happy with a boy or a girl! But there might be slight disappointment if we never get to experience the other gender. And just because in the past I may have made statements saying I love being a boy Mom. I'm happy to have all boys. I'd rather have all boys than all girls. That never for one second meant I would never like to have the other gender. I've entertained the thought! I've day dreamed just like everyone else.

I love the phrase "Pink or Blue, We love you!" Because no matter what, we love you sweet baby! And if you're a boy, it won't mean we'll love you any less because you're not a girl! And visa versa! :-)